Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Life (the roller coaster)

Do you ever feel super down?

Like in a black hole that has sucked you in?

Don't feel uncomfortable.
I'm ok. 
I'm well-aware of my family history of depression, etc and I monitor myself closely.
I think I'm pulling myself out of this funk, but I'm still mad that I wasted time being moody, negative, grouchy, and so full of self-pity.

I reached my limit with being apart from le Rey.
Coz I miss him so, so much.
And the fact that he still does not have a job.
And so I still don't have a visa to join him in England.
And he has a surgery coming up that I may or may not be there for.
And I live with my parents which I did not imagine for myself at this age (although I'm grateful).
And I'm supposed to plan a wedding in London and I hate that it's so expensive for guests.
And I don't know how to find a venue without seeing it in person. And when I don't know roughly how many people might be coming.

Then last week I got sick.
I don't know what the doctor calls it, but I call it similiar-to-the-beginning-of-pneumonia-in-Australia-June-2010-illness.
She gave me antibiotics.

By then I was super cranky.
And it was fall break, so I not working (staying busy) and silly me thought I would take it easy and relax.

I forget how the things that I've suppressed will come up when I don't keep myself busy.

Yes, I know this is not a great coping mechanism, but it's what I'm using for now.

And then when my sister told me I was seriously impossible to be around anymore (and I knew she was right).......I got really panicked.  Because don't we take out our bad stuff on the ones that are closest to us?
Which is so not nice.

And then I was like, come on-snap out of this!!  Life is not that bad! You don't want to spend your last couple months here being a horrible person to everyone!

But still I could not change my attitude!
Do you ever have days like this?

Finally.....finally.......things started looking up.
I started feeling more sensible and like myself again.

Then I had a day like today that really puts life into perspective.

Today I subbed for a third class whose teacher unexpectedly died.
She was 42.
She had a teenage daughter.
I didn't know her, but it's obvious she was very loved.
The teacher didn't show up for work and the principal went to her house yesterday and found her there.

So when I got there today, the students didn't know yet.

They said to me, "When is our teacher coming back?"
I wanted to slither away and avoid this inevitably sad situation.

But I ushered them into the classroom and chatted with them while they ate breakfast.
I looked at the teacher's desk and pictures and thought, this could be any teacher's desk, this could be my desk. Spelling copies for the week, assessments.........random stuff, you know how we leave it.

A little unfinished.
Because we always expect to come back the next day.

So the principal and a grief counselor brought the kids into a room, and told them.
Just like that.
They were so shocked.

They asked why, talked about people they knew that had died, drew pictures and wrote letters for her family.

Then I had to take them back to class.

Surprisingly, they did well. (Probably still in shock).
They're seriously a class of sweeties.
I kept them very busy and just helped them get on with it.
I'm a bit cold that way when there is grief.

Anyone that knows me knows that whenever death or grief is involved, I am no where to be found.
I don't know how to support people in that situation.
I don't want to bring it up if they don't want to talk about it.
I don't want to not bring it up and seem insensitive.
I don't want to be the 59th phone call that may overwhelm them.

So I sortof ignore it.

I know, not great.

Anyway, that was my day, I will be there tomorrow and then they have a long term sub that will start.

Life is precious, hey?

I better not waste it on what ifs, negative thoughts and a dreary outlook.


When soldiers come home (best feeling!)


Friends & Experiences

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Thrift Stores

I really love a bargain.

Buffalo Exchange, Goodwill, Savers, the local op-shop, Twice as Nice, etc.............if I stumble upon one, and have the time, I will almost always stop and browse.

I can't remember when this started, but I remember being in high school and going with friends to look for jeans that we could buy and cut into cut-off shorts, and also Saturday trips to Buffalo Exchange to get cute tank tops.

As I've traveled, I have been so happy to explore England and Australia's thrift stores too, where I began to buy pictures frames and vases for the current place I was living, as well as books and other things for my classroom.

I love the idea of recycling these things, instead of tossing them in a the ever-expanding landfill. Lots of items look like they've never been used.  And there's so many things that you can buy and alter slightly to make your own.

I also feel my style is constantly evolving, so it's nice to donate items after awhile, knowing I didn't spend much money on them in the first place. And sometimes when I'm packing to move back from overseas, I have too much stuff, so I have to leave things (usually clothes) behind. I think my flatmates liked that when I moved last : )

I am hoping when I move to England, le Rey and I will do some thrift store hunting together to find furniture for our flat that we can refinish together. I also hope to find jars and mismatched vases for the flat, but that I will also use at the wedding (going for a vintage sortof feel).

Here are some past and recent treasures I found at thrift stores in Phoenix and Melbourne.

Do you have favorite thrift stores?

Can't wait to wear these! Dr. Scholl's-so comfortable and I don't think they've ever been worn! $10!
I have to buy black flats about once a year if I wear them abroad since I walk to the stations, etc so much.

these will probably wear out in 2 months when I wear them in England,
but I've already got my back-up as seen above.

love this owl necklace!